i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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