I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
