i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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