Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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