no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
