I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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