so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
