trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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