i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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