His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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