he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
