She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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