I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
