NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
