Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
