remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
