end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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