he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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