you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
