U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
