My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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