Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
