Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
