Pappa wants mamma naked
Say something about gay babies.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
