I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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