I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
