Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
