If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you still have your period?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
