I'm sorry my penis didn't work
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
