your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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