looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
