4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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