No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
