In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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