Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
