Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
