I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
