I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want nice things and good sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
