If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
