I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
that may or may not have been my penis.
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