he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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