I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
