I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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