Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
