sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
