I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
