It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
