the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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