New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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