I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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