you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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