He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
