what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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