I wish my penis had an off switch
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize