just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
