I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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