I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
