I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
