You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
