I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
