what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
