Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My balls are so social today.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
