I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
