So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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