The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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