I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
