my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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