how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
