all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
