I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
