So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize