Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
