Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
