Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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