hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
